BEST SPEECH MEETING #19: Enemy, Stranger or Intimate

She certainly had the edge, and you can tell that she is a natural speaker. She has evolved well throughout her toastmaster experience, and i must say, we have always been impressed by her style of speaking, and the humor she injected to her speech. Congrats TM Siti Aishah. Way to go.
Let's look at her speech structure from the last winning

Note: TM Siti Aishah was the winner from DDYPC TMC Meeting #19.
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Enemy, Stranger or Intimate
A speech by Siti Aishah
Project Speech #5: Your Body Speaks

A man asked his wife, “Darling, where do you want to go for our anniversary?” It warms his heart to see her face melts in sweet appreciation. “Hmm... somewhere I haven’t been for a long time,” she said. He suggested, “How about the kitchen?” and that’s when the fight started.

Toastmaster of the day, fellow toastmasters and honored guests.

Creating intimacy or starting a fight is often just a matter of a few sentences and sometimes a word. In every conversation actually you can choose to fight with your partner and change them into an enemy or avoid you partner and change him into a stranger or to confide in them and trust them and change your partner into an intimate. The differences between these three approaches are enormous. So today, I will explain to you how you can use these three options in your life with your partner.

Option 1: the wife sat down on the couch next to the husband who was flipping the channels on TV. She asked, “What’s on TV?” He replied without even looking at her, “Dust!” Since in this option you want to change your partner into an enemy, you should start to shout. “You are the lazy one. You never help out around the house!” This will likely start a fight and it can ensure a hot and blazing arguments. Both sides are trying to win by either attacking or defending. It can become worse when you start to reach those innocent things around you and make them fly towards your partner. Thus, an enemy is created.

Now we move on to option 2. What is the first thing your mother taught you about stranger? Yes… do not talk to strangers. So imagine scenario 2. You are at your husband’s office party. It seems to you that your partner is spending a great amount of time talking to his new secretary. You were left alone next to the buffet table. How do you want to handle this situation? So, on the ride home in the car, be very silent. When he asks, “What’s wrong dear?” you can reply, “Nothing. I’m just tired” or totally ignoring him, look out through the window, pretend you do not hear the question and hum your favorite song! Now you have successfully avoided a conflict but you also turn your partner into someone who doesn’t know you really well, a stranger.

For option 3, let say you husband is having his guys’ night out be it watching EPL at mamak’s stall or playing futsal, it doesn’t matter, but he does this almost every night. You were left at home alone, feeling sad and lonely. So, when he comes home that night, what should you do? Remember this is option 3. You shouldn’t scream at him like “You always spend your time with your friends. Why don’t you marry them instead!” or you should not totally ignore him when he enters the door. What you should do is confide in them and tell them how you really feel. Something like, “I sat here feeling sorry to myself. I know you need your guys, but my social life isn’t as happening as yours right now. It can be really lonely. Can you spend more time with me?” Once you open up and tell your partner how you are really feeling, you actually turning your partner into a support system, an intimate.

After being married for almost five years, I know we must choose option 3. Actually I have applied those three options in different stages of our marriage. Since my husband also aware of these options, he sometimes says to me, “honey, please don’t use option 2” when I ignore him at times which I’m really good at. But I can assure you that option 3, to confide, trust and say how we feel is like the solution to all possible problem that may arise in front of you. In order to have this confiding conversation we have to trust that our partner will support us when we let our guard down and show our vulnerability. Also, we have to feel entitled to what we are feeling. We entitle to be jealous; we entitle to have someone to help around the house. If not, we are ashamed to reveal those feeling and choose to avoid or attack. Uncover your feeling, unmask your vulnerability and unravel your emotion.

So, as a conclusion, learn by heart if you want a great relationship with your partner, you got to choose. Are you going to start a fight, avoid the whole thing or take your partner into your confidence? Whatever you choose, you are also choosing the corresponding action – turning you partner into an enemy or a stranger or an intimate.